Chasing a goal - or chasing a ghost?

I don’t think I’m alone in letting my guard down a bit during the dead of winter. (Isn’t that what oversized sweaters and leggings are for?)

But this year, I definitely had a rude awakening come March, and I guess I should have seen it coming. 

No Meredith, the dryer is not shrinking your pajama shorts. 

Oh dear… this is a situation.    

If you’re in the same boat, have no fear – I know exactly the quick fix we need:

Let it go, and keep it moving.

No, I don’t mean to stop caring and let yourself go.  I mean make a mental note of the current status, and continue to put one foot in front of the other. 

The old me would have panicked — launching into egg whites and salads on repeat.  Because when we find we’ve gained weight, isn’t it usually our plan to get as small as possible, as quickly as possible?  When we’re on a mission to fit into our favorite clothes from summers past, the sense of urgency is real.

We talk a lot about comparison when it comes to social media – how toxic it is to compare ourselves to others, especially when we all know that the picture-perfect narratives people display are never reality.

But what about when we compare our current selves to our past selves?  I know that for me, this is a slippery slope.  

I’ve talked to a lot of women about their experiences with weight fluctuations, and every one of us has the same gripe: 

We want to fit into clothes that we wore a lifetime ago. 

Sometimes this goal is reasonable; most of the time it isn’t (especially once we reach a certain age). 

Facing the reality of change is a funny thing. 

Sometimes we change in ways we wish we didn’t – like getting grey hair, seeing wrinkles, and accepting temperamental joints that don’t like high impact exercise. 

Other times we change in ways that improve our quality of life – like getting to a place of neutrality with the scale, and learning that the world will not end because we gained 6 pounds. 

I know why my otherwise loose pajama shorts feel tight, and indeed, it has nothing to do with the dryer…

It’s because I’ve spent the last 6 months buying a new house, selling an old house, adding a sweet puppy to our family, and enjoying the Holidays without stressing over gluten.  I survived my hell month at work (yay January), two epic blizzards, and managed all of this without going blind again in the process.

That, my friends, is progress.

If you are in a similar situation – finding that you’ve gained weight recently, or even over the last few years – be gentle with yourself. 

Sticking with our ideal habits and routines isn’t easy, even in perfect circumstances. 

When we go through certain seasons — caring for small kids or aging parents, navigating financial or marital stress, surviving demanding careers — we can’t expect our bodies to look the way they did 10 years ago.

We need to learn how to make peace with that, because as even more time passes, it certainly won’t get easier. 

As for the extra weight on my body right now, I’m not particularly thrilled about it. But I’m trying not to melt down over it either. 

I will work on resetting my routines, I will eat well and move my body, and I will pray for the best when it comes to my favorite clothes. 

But if there’s one thing I have learned in the many battles I’ve had with myself over rigid rules and expectations, it is this:

 You are allowed to change. 

If you find that you’re constantly beating yourself up, comparing who you are today to the woman you used to be, ask yourself one question:

Are you chasing a goal… or chasing a ghost?